8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize