After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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