I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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