So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize