butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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