Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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