lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
