He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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