i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
