So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
