i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
