I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
