New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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