I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
