Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
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