Already got asked if we're dating
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
