Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Holy shit dude........stairs
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
