Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
It's blow job season.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
