I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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