I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
