I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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