I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
