Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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