ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize