you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
