She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
