Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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