Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
