everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
