She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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