Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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