if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
