My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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