he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
