i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize