I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
