I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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