"it" just moved
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I want to fling myself into the sun
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
