She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
