i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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