In America we eat man semen.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
