Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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