Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Randomize
