hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I made him laugh his dick is mine
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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