I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
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