we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
