I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
