So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
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