that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
So much rum. So many feels.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Shame - the story of my life.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize