Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
