I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I want you more than these girls want KFC
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
