the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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