this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
