there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
