Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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