I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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