we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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