a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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