i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize
