dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
