Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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