are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
