My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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