my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
