Please, let me fuck your mom
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
