i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
