She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
