my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
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