chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Randomize