Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
